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Fine-Tuning a Manuscript–Comma Usage

June 20, 2014 / Writing Tips / 13 COMMENTS


Guest Post by Jack SmithWrite and Revise for Publication

In fiction what is “correct” is what works—what creates strong characters, drives the story, and creates the appropriate tone.  This applies to grammar and mechanics as well.  I’ll have to admit, I do tend to be a bit schoolmarmy about the conventions of grammar and mechanics, but I also recognize when it’s important to depart from the standard handbook.  A bullet train of comma splices might be desirable if you’re attempting to capture run-on thought.   No punctuation at all might also be.  When I’m editing my own work, as well as the work of others in my role as Fiction Editor for The Green Hills Literary Lantern, I tend to notice the following kinds of grammatical issues: subject-verb agreement, pronoun reference, misplaced modifiers, and, of course, matters of punctuation, which includes commas, semi-colons, colons, apostrophes, parenthesis—and more.

I’ll limit my comments here to commas.  According to strict handbook rules and conventions, where should you use commas?

  • Before coordinating conjunctions (and, but, for, nor, or, so, and yet) between main clauses
  • After long phrases (generally 5 words or more) introducing main clauses
  • After subordinate clauses beginning with because, if, after, whereas, etc.

(Not before subordinate clauses that come after main clauses)

  • Between coordinate adjectives that modify a noun (e.g., tall, lanky man)
  • With appositives (e.g., James, a smart and ambitious man, has some serious goals.)
  • With direct address (e.g., All right, James, let’s discuss this.)

There are more comma issues to consider (non-restrictive and restrictive, for instance), but I won’t go into those.  Let’s stop here.

Now, let’s say that you break handbook rules and conventions governing comma usage.  Let’s say that your narrator states:

When James a man with a desire to obtain an education went to the city he usually went to a museum attended a concert or saw a play maybe it was Shakespeare maybe it was contemporary but he was let us say a great pursuer of the arts of all kinds.

Certainly from a strict schoolmarm perspective, this passage is loaded with comma “errors”—F work, for sure.  Let’s look just at the comma usage—please ignore wording and anything else that might bother you.  Stick to the comma question, and note where the standard handbook would call for comma insertions:

“When James, a man with a desire to obtain an education, went to the city, he usually went to a museum, attended a concert (,) or saw a play; maybe it was Shakespeare—maybe it was contemporary—but he was, let us say, a great pursuer of the arts of all kinds.

Notice that I placed parentheses around one comma since here it is optional.  I used dashes to set off “maybe it was contemporary,” but I could have used commas. As to the rest, note commas around the appositive, the comma after the introductory subordinate clause, and the comma after the first item in the series.  If I had used a comma before “maybe,” I would have a comma splice—a mechanical error by strict handbook rules.  A comma is called for in the parenthetical phrase “let us say.”

Notice that not a single word is changed is this “corrected” version, and yet there’s a different feel achieved by supplying the commas, isn’t there?  The first version is more loose and informal, the second more structured and formal.  If your narrator is uneducated, perhaps the first version is better.  Of course, these are two extreme versions; perhaps you leave out only few commas.  Leaving out the comma after the introductory subordinate clause probably wouldn’t affect the tone very much.  (And one could argue, even by strict handbook standards, it’s not that much of an “error” as long as the sentence is clear. On the other hand, if you leave out one of the commas in the appositive, that would certainly be a handbook error—and even appear to be a mistake to one who isn’t a handbook nut.)  The comma splice wouldn’t have that much of an effect either.  But here’s the point: The more you abide by, or bend, the rules and conventions, the greater the effect on style and tone—and the voice of your narrator.   And keep in mind that the numerous rhythms and beats of words, phrases, and clauses, and even the appearance of the language itself on the page, the way passages are measured out, comma by comma, semi-colon by semi-colon, period by period—all this has a cumulative  effect on your reader.  Sometimes it’s hard to say exactly what that is, but as a reader you feel it.

There is no absolute right and wrong in fiction writing.  It’s what works.  When fine-tuning, use the handbook when it helps you create strong language; put it aside when it doesn’t.

Jack Smith is author of the novel Hog to Hog, which won the George Garrett FictionJack-SmithPrize (Texas Review Press. 2008), and is also the author of Write and Revise for Publication: A 6-Month Plan for Crafting an Exceptional Novel and Other Works of Fiction, published earlier this year by Writer’s Digest. His novel ICON will be published in June by Serving House Books.

Over the years, Smith’s short stories have appeared in North American Review, Night Train, Texas Review, and Southern Review, to name a few. He has also written some 20 articles for Novel & Short Story Writer’s Market, as well as a dozen or so pieces for The Writer.He has published reviews in numerous literary journals, including Ploughshares, Georgia Review, Missouri Review, Prairie Schooner, American Review, Mid-American Review, and the Iowa Review.

  1. Elizabeth – Thanks for hosting Jack.

    Jack – Thanks for your input. I agree completely that when it comes to stories, there is no such thing, really, as correct or proper ways of speaking and writing style. It all depends on the story and the characters, and so long as the author is telling an absorbing story, that’s the key. That said though, I think it is important to know the conventions of standard English (or the standard of whatever language one’s using in one’s writing). If you aren’t comfortable with the standard, it’s hard to use variations from it effectively.

  2. Hello, my name is JL Stratton, and I’m a commaholic. Yep, for the longest time I’ve lived for breaking all the rules with commas. I lived recklessly and without regard to the lives of so many commas that I haphazardly tossed into my sentences. My motto was: “When in doubt, use a comma.” But now that has all changed. I’m learning to use commas sparingly, and commas have thanked me. Yes, I realize that I cannot ever make up for the havoc I’ve caused in the lives of so many commas, and in my own writing, and I feel I am finally on the right track. Will I ever be completely free of my addiction to those cute little punctuation marks with their cute little dot sitting proud above a gently curving tail? Probably not, but I can, at the very least, admit and repent. And after all, isn’t that the first step in the process? I especially want to thank you, Elizabeth, for your words of wisdom. You’ve provided me with the fortitude and motivation to make it another day in my recovery.

  3. I seem to have a comma addiction. A beta reader pointed it out to me, and now I see it in my early drafts. Thank goodness the editor catches what I don’t! Thanks for the tips.

  4. And I’m a dashcoholic too, not to mention a repenting comma addict, it’s hard to shake off the addiction! Great post, thanks to both the blog host and the guest!

  5. Elizabeth and Jack, thank you for this informative post on the use (and misuse) of commas. I learnt much from it. I believe the new trend is to use commas, colons, semi-colons, and parenthesis sparingly. Personally, I prefer commas to dashes unless I want to highlight a point.

  6. Jack–
    I agree with everything you say. But I would add that the word choice or diction in this passage is itself more “educated,” more formal than would be true for a character who knows little or nothing about how to use commas.

  7. I see what you mean. I think you’re right. Maybe he wouldn’t come off as uneducated so much as voluble–loose tongued. It seems that the personality that comes through in version one differs measurably from the personality that comes through in version two, but I’m rethinking my judgment of “uneducated.”

  8. Jack – Nice post. A reviewer once took me to task for ‘comma fatigue,’ so your post is a good reminder for me to get those commas right.

    Elizabeth – confession time : I’m an ellipsis-aholic (dashaholic and semicolon-aholic too).

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