Yanking Readers Out of a Story

February 6, 2015 / Uncategorized, Writing Tips / 41 COMMENTS


By Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraigDeathtoStock1

I can be a pretty annoying person to watch television or movies with.  Maybe most writers are.  Plot holes and plot devices trip me up in bad stories and I’m too analytical of what works in good stories. This may be why I don’t get a lot of invitations to hang out and watch TV with members of my family.

Regardless of my general unpopularity as a movie-watching companion, my husband and I were watching the movie Lucy on Amazon Prime last weekend.  It was, actually, a good film and one of the few genres that overlap enough so that my husband and I can both enjoy it.  But there was one part (okay, probably three parts, actually. But I won’t give spoilers) where my husband said, “But why are they doing that?  That wouldn’t happen—there would be cops all over the place.”  And I said, maybe a bit impatiently, “Because it has to happen.  For the story.”  And I quickly explained why.

Once I pointed out the strings and the puppet master, we were both watching the movie from a different perspective.

It’s those types of moments when I’m reading a book or watching TV or movies that I try to avoid as a writer. 

Here are some things that jerk me out of a story as a reader that I try to avoid as a writer:

Author intrusion: fitting in a sermon on one topic or another…sometimes political, sometimes not.

The need for too much suspension of disbelief.  Author John Scalzi calls this “the flying snowman.”

Head-hopping POVs.  Confusion can really pull us out of a story.

Too many narrators.  See confusion, above.

Plot devices. Deus ex machina.

Smart characters, foolish choices.  Characters investigating dark basements alone and unarmed when there are monsters in the neighborhood.

Breaking the fourth wall in the story.

Boring passages with no direct impact on the plot.  Melville’s chapters on harpoons.

Unnatural dialogue.

Sometimes too many filtering words. Maybe only other writers will notice this.  Deep POV can help a reader feel as if they’re in the characters’ skin.

Pace-slowing detail for objects, settings, or characters that don’t help create or reinforce the story world.

Research presented in unnatural ways in the narrative.

These are some of mine…and different ones annoy me/pull me out of a story to different degrees.  Do any of these bother you?  What would make it on your list?  And…how are you when watching TV and movies with others?

Image: Death to the Stock Photo

  1. Hey, Elizabeth, I’m just like you! I get knocked out of TV films and movies at the first “mistake” I see and I seem to see a lot more than anyone else around me – hence, I’m a terrible companion! Fortunately my husband is very forgiving, while I rant on with what’s wrong with the movie…And of course that happens with novels too and explains why I don’t finish a book.

    Of all the things that drive me wild are what I call ” incongruencies” – illogical behavior (in the light of what we know about the characters), non-sequitur events (things that happen out of the blue and are totally improbable), wrong environment for a given scene (historical details that are wrong because I know my history better than the film director), cliché characters (yes, even in movies it happens and then it quickly gets boring) etc etc Like you, my list is very long!

    1. Claude–It’s hard to get lost in a movie, isn’t it? Or a book sometimes, too. Sad. Glad your husband is forgiving about it, ha!

      Good list you’ve got here! Yes, the wrong actions for that particular character to have taken. Wrong choice for a setting. I can imagine that messed-up history would be incredibly irritating because it would show the writers didn’t even do their homework.

  2. Why did they do that? That’s stupid! Yeah, that yanks me out of a story. Probably more so with movies than books. (Thanks for the warning on Lucy – I’ll be prepared.)
    Too much detail is the worst for me. I start skimming at that point. And I’m not a natural skimmer, so you know it’s bad when I skim.

  3. Elizabeth – Oh, I do the same thing!! I look at films and books quite differently to the way others do, because I write. And you’re right: once you get pulled out of a story, it’s very hard to go back. Interesting how it’s those subtle things – like use of dialogue – that can make all the difference in the world. I sometimes find that it helps to read bits of what I write out loud to myself. If it doesn’t seem interesting and believable, it probably isn’t.

  4. You forget one of the biggest ones–just plain bad writing. If words are missing or misplaced, commas add breaks in the wrong places, or something just doesn’t make sense or is awkward. The moment you have to reread a few words or sentences to figure out what it is supposed to say, you’re broken out of the story. Too many authors don’t bother with the basics–decent copyediting or sometimes even spellcheck would be an improvement.

    Then there are the really joyous idiocies, like when writers use the wrong name for one of their own characters or the wrong gender of pronoun! I’ve seen both far too many times.

    1. Rebecca–Very good point! Bad writing and poor editing. But it can be very confidence-building as a writer…we can see how much better we are than some published authors!

      Bad formatting might fall into your group, too. That can be very distracting and also makes me wonder if the book were rushed through.

  5. I just read the first chapter of a story that had so much head hopping, I wasn’t sure what was going on. Sometimes 3 times on one page. I’m guilty of some head hopping in my earlier books, and now that I know, I really see it in someone else’s work.

  6. This is a great post, E. I am not allowed to watch “Bones” with the family because I can’t help but point out that the FBI does NOT investigate murder, much less cold case files. Talk about “Flying snowman” :)

    You’ve hit on many of my pet peeves. Another one I see with early-career writers is non-linear time. It’s OK for Kurt Vonnegut to use as a central theme because he’s a master. But many beginners sound like a little kid making things up.

    Seeley

    1. Seeley–Oh, that would be a tough hurdle to get over, mentally. So the whole *premise* of the show is really wrong.

      Non-linear time is a good one. Flashbacks would fall in with that, too. Anything that’s easy to mess up.

  7. I’m finishing the latest in a series with a know-it-all main character. I love him, but he’s always spouting historical facts about events, landmarks, people. The author excels at describing the time period (1960’s Ireland), but the added history from decades earlier, often presented in an unnatural way as you state, Elizabeth, is an annoyance.

  8. 4th wall. 4th WALL !

    I do not enjoy the scene-stealing asides as if I’m watching _Ferris Bueller_. I understand the purpose of asides. I’ve seen them used by a master.

    Unless writing as Shakespeare, let them go. Leave them for the stage where we internalize their existence.

    The worst: the summary aside in a novel.

    It’s one thing to read Chandler and begin as if a silent partner to Marlowe. It’s quite another to emerge in that role 83 pages into the novel. How editors allow this to go on is beyond me!

    I blame television. No good reason. I’m just blaming it.

    1. I love 4th wall breaking. You’re probably correct to blame television – I grew up watching Moonlighting, Garry Shandling’s Show and reruns of Dobie Gillis and Burns & Allen so a character looking out and addressing the audience doesn’t faze me at all.

      1. Robert–When I saw your comment, I thought, “Well, hey. I *did* really like “Moonlighting” when I was in high school. I’ve watched Dobie Gillis and Gracie and George Burns in reruns. I thought it was *hilarious* when Bugs Bunny would address the audience. So maybe…did I just get old and boring? I don’t know. I just don’t like it as much now for some reason. Sort of odd!

    2. Jack–You know, I think I used to enjoy the 4th wall stuff until I hit my 20s. I loved it when Bugs Bunny broke it down. And Ferris was kind of hilarious when I was in high school. As someone mentioned in the comments, I also enjoyed “Moonlighting” when I was in high school. But it really got old when I got old. Maybe I’m just grumpy.

  9. How about incomprehensible jokes? I was watching the tv show “Archer” last night and I was pulled out of what I thought was one of the best episodes of the series by a prank phone call that I didn’t understand. (And looking across the internet this morning it seems that I’m not alone). I spent the rest of the show trying to figure out the joke.

  10. I’m almost infinitely forgiving when I’m watching TV, and maniacally critical with movies.

    I think television has become the blog posts of video entertainment, for me.

    When I see something that looks like writing, that bugs me. “Oh, look; they had to do that for the story.” No, actually, they needed to write better so we don’t see bad choices, exposition in dialog, all that nonsense.

    Now I’m off to make a note for my editor to specifically watch for this in my WIP.

    1. Joel–I’m the same way. Are we less-forgiving for movies because film is on such a bigger budget and at a slower pace in development? I think that may be true for me.

      And…very true. When I had to explain to my husband why the convoluted thing on screen was happening, there was part of me that was just irritated the writers hadn’t thought of another way. We paid $6 for that thing on Amazon!

      1. For me, it’s that I’m looking at the overall writing of the series when I watch a TV show. When Danny Reagan leaves a victim to pop around the corner and see what he sees, I weigh that against the writing last week and the week before and think, okay, that was weak, but they usually do much better.

        A movie, besides the higher expectations intrinsic as an entertainment medium, is usually a one-off experience. Though again, I’ll forgive a big o’ nonsense in the 3rd Bourne movie if I know the first 2 were spot on.

  11. As not only a writer of epic fantasy but an historian who minored in medieval studies, I drive people crazy when we watch things like Lord of the Rings together. If I’m not criticizing the changes made from the books, I’m saying, “That absolutely is NOT how medieval siege warfare worked.” I do better with other genres. :)

    Then again, I had to quite watching a show one time because an important doctor character was killed early on in the show, and she essentially bled to death because she didn’t know enough to keep the wound elevated above the heart. If the show writers are going to make a stupid mistake like that because the doctor “had to die for the plot,” I just couldn’t keep going. :P

    1. Stephanie–You really should read “The Flying Snowman” Scalzi post that I linked to in my post. :) He specifically refers to LOTR…ha! His point was that the magical stuff had to be consistent with the worldbuilding and the science for the world. The arguments back and forth about Gollum and the lava are interesting.

      And…ugh. Yeah, if a doctor doesn’t know basic first aid that my kids know…time to turn the channel.

  12. Funny you mention that. There are only a few shows hubs and I watch together and one of them is Grimm. Lastest plot twist and my husband say, wait a minute, this is stupid, why doesn’t she just tell him? He’d understand. Watch them drag this out all season. Why do they do this? I had the same conversation about why it has to be there and torturing our characters.

    Many of your points also pull me out of the story. I’ll add, too much inner dialog in between the action. It’s nice to know what the character is thinking about as the action moves forward but not paragraphs with every scene by both characters. And this is a best selling author and I usually love her stories. Sheesh. You just want to skip ahead and get on with the story. So I skim here and there and move on.

    Sia McKye Over Coffee

    1. Sia–Too funny! Same thing with my husband. It’s almost like…they *do recognize* it’s a plot device. It’s there to move the story forward or to create conflict for the poor characters. But they can’t move past the fact that everything could be easily resolved in the story if only XXX happened. For me, I recognize it for being a device and move past it. I guess it’s the non-writer that can struggle more.

      And good one! Inner dialogue. Bleh. I’d rather them have a side-kick/best friend to mull this stuff over with.

  13. My husband and I both do a lot of critiquing of TV and movies we watch. Different things set us off, though. My husband really can’t stand the Big Misunderstanding-type plots, where if people would just talk to each other/be honest, the whole thing would be resolved in five seconds. I’m always having to remind him that if there’s no conflict, there’s no story.

    I enjoy the Fourth Wall Break if it’s done well (and not too much), like in Ferris Bueller and shows like Parks & Rec. And I can forgive unnecessary dialogue if the characters are having a witty back-and-forth. To me that counts as character/relationship-building.

    1. Megan–I’m thinking maybe there are *degrees* of these story issues, too. I know romance writers are discouraged by publishers to have the romantic leads’ problems solely based on a ‘big misunderstanding’ that could quickly be resolved. But then there are big misunderstandings that are more complex and absolutely vital to a plot. I’m thinking about a plot twisting film like “Sixth Sense.” What if the child lead had said one very important thing to the adult lead at the very start of the film? It would have ruined the cool twist.

      I think relationship building dialogue or even dialogue that helps round out a viewer/reader’s opinion on a character can be a good thing.

  14. My husband and I love a good disaster movie, because we love the formula. He didn’t notice we were doing it until I started talking about story structure, relating to my writing. Then he looked at me and said “how can you watch anything or read anything anymore?” Smart man!

    1. Julie–It’s just a different experience now, isn’t it? I miss getting lost in a book or movie, but I guess there is still entertainment value in dissecting these media. Maybe. :)

  15. One of the worst things on screen for me is, what the actors are doing when they are “not doing anything.” I always remembered this from drama in high school, one of the hardest things to act, is doing nothing…unnatural facial expressions, movements, etc. It can drive me crazy and ruin a movie for me. I’m not sure how this would apply to writing though.

    Unbelievable dialogue or responses are high on the list. As is bad english or grammar.

    I don’t think anyone mentioned inconsistencies. On screen it’s the different earring, hair behind the ear, then over the ear, the change in position on a swing. It drives my family nuts when I stop and go back so I can show them. Similar thing happens in writing…driving a different kind of car, has different hair colour, etc.

    Great examples and discussion. I agree with all points.

    1. Silas–That would be *so hard* and why I’m sure I’d be an awful actor. I’m awkward doing nothing *without* acting, I can only imagine how awkward I’d be while trying to portray someone else.

      And good point on inconsistencies! Continuity is so important in both books and film. It looks sloppy otherwise.

  16. Elizabeth–
    You obviously hit a nerve–look at all the comments. I too am a bad viewing companion. But because of the risk of serious bodily injury coming my way from a usually kind and gentle person (my wife), I’m getting better. My biggest offense is blurting out who did it, something that’s all too often telegraphed early on. And that whole thing about someone going all alone into basements/caves/vacated prisons or post-apocalyptic interiors of any kind that are actually teeming with zombies/giant flying mice, etc. It-makes-me-crazy!

  17. I think writers who don’t have expertise or try to fake it is my biggest problem. My mom was an RN, so watching medical shows (Emergency! was always roundly panned) was not fun. I worked as a nuclear engineer for the Navy and completed a master’s in mental health counseling. Don’t get me started on all the errors people make writing about mental health diagnoses.

    So, in my writing, I do a lot of research. If it is a subject unfamiliar to me, I find someone with expertise. It saves a lot of grief later on.

    1. Gaines–I think even I pick up on fallacies with medical-related shows and I know very, very little about medicine! I bet it really annoyed your mom. And the way mental health is (mis)handled on television must grate on your nerves. The way the entertainment media approaches mental health doesn’t help with public perception of these patients, either.

      I’m with you–research. Then we don’t have to *include* our research, but we don’t write something that simply isn’t true. I’ve very meekly and shyly called the local police on several occasions to get plot points right and they’ve been very glad to help (and haven’t thought I was a budding criminal, fortunately!)

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