By Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraig
I hope that I’m not just accentuating the positive on my blog. Writing rarely comes super-easy to me. It’s always a fight to stay focused and meet my daily goals. I worry over every single project. I absolutely love the writing and feel incredibly fortunate about being able to do this for a living…unless it’s a day when I’m not loving it.
My current self-published project has been interrupted a lot more than any other project I’ve ever worked on. Some of the interruptions were personal…like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Some were professional—my agent asked me to write up a couple of outlines for proposed projects. Then I got global edits in for a traditional project that publishes this summer. Then I got copyedits for the project a few days ago.
Because I had an outline, I was able to pick right up where I left off with the self-published project each time, but a few days ago, I felt…I don’t know. It was an odd combination of insecurity about the project, a longing for the story to be really strong despite all the delays, and some loss of interest in the manuscript, related to the other couple of issues.
One thing that’s not been an option for me in the last six years or so is completely ditching a project. When I was working on books in my early twenties, I was mostly practicing with voice and trying on various genres. I started two books that I clearly remember, but I might have started another one, too. It’s different now. For one, I have confidence that I can fix any mess I’ve made in a first draft. For another, I’m usually running right on top of a deadline and there isn’t the luxury of time.
Although I wouldn’t give up on the project, I still needed to deal with the weird resistance to/loss of faith in it.
I reread the manuscript. This is something that I never do. I never, never read the story while I’m writing it. But in this particular case, I was already feeling so apprehensive about it that I decided I couldn’t possible lose more faith. When I read the manuscript, I realized it was just as good as the other books. Parts were even better than the other books. The problem areas could be easily fixed in later drafts. All was well.
I read clips of positive emails and reader reviews. This was not the time to go gallivanting around Goodreads (a menacing dark alley for writer egos, in my opinion). I do keep a small folder on my computer in case I need some sort of shot in the arm. Like the words of readers who want the next release and really don’t care if I’m hitting a wall or not.
I reminded myself that I never consider myself behind and never try to “catch up.” (Well, unless it’s a traditionally published project and I’m a lot closer to deadline than I should be.) Each day is a blank slate …I meet that day’s goals and don’t let any missed goals cloud my mind. I am not behind.
Have you ever lost faith in a story? How did you keep going?
Image: “Wired1” from Death to the Stock Photo
I had this conversation at lunch yesterday with a buddy who has read a couple of my novels in beta.
He asked why I was doing another draft of one he really loved.
I explained that it was because I didn’t love it yet. There were things missing that I wanted to incorporate to make the story more robust because I wanted the execution to be more robust.
The explanation was: writing the novel is about like telling a good story in a bar. People laugh and you hold their attention and everyone is so interested they don’t interrupt or add any little bits. It isn’t very difficult.
Writing a good novel means telling a story so good that next time people here you’re going to be at the bar, the come just to hear you. It’s something entirely different. It’s rare because of the amount of work it takes.
I’m there with you.
Jack–If we’re not crazy about our books, I think it definitely comes through in the writing. That was one reason I was so alarmed at my antipathy toward continuing the story.
Very good analogy with the bar. Yes, we want them to show up at the bar again. Our repeat readers are everything.
Exactly where I am with my next mystery. I wrote the first draft over 18 months ago. Beta readers loved it, offered money for the final version on the spot.
But it wasn’t ready and I knew it.
In the 18 months since, I’ve easily quadrupled my understanding of story structure and character development. As a result, the story my readers loved is going to be spectacular, not just a good airplane read.
I had a lot of delays with my upcoming book and I worried I’d either lose interest or never finish. Like you though, I just refuse to give up though.
Alex–Stubbornness helps in this business!
Elizabeth – I think keeping confidence and faith in ourselves is one of those things they don’t teach you as much in those writing classes/conferences/etc.. That’s something you have to find within yourself, and some days, it’s really hard. I know it is for me. I like your ideas for coping quite a lot. I’ve also found that setting the next goal for myself – something positive that I can do with a manuscript – also helps.
Margot–Good point here about setting small, manageable goals when we get stuck!
Yes, Christmas is just disturbing.
Kind of good to see that even pro-writers struggle from time to time. It means there is hope for me too >:)
CA– :)
Oh definitely…struggle, get discouraged, get frustrated, get bored with it…all those things.
I lost faith as a writer, period. That was after being a writer for the first ten years out of college, and I started to lose faith in just about everything I was writing. None of it made sense anymore. Hundreds of poems, a dozen short stories, a couple of plays, several academic articles and three drafts of a mystery novel ended up in a landfill. I set writing aside as a serious pursuit while life led me into various other directions. Yet I still kept writing, in private, until a few years ago.
Since then, no faith lost in a specific project, because I truly believe nothing is wasted. If it can’t be fixed in its current format, it can be repurposed. Helps me to keep my cool. My first published novel took sixteen months to write because of all the interruptions, one which was two months long, another six weeks. Losing faith was a luxury I couldn’t afford, I guess. (Some would say it was delusional!)
Meg–Oh nooo. I hate to hear about discarded work. You really *must* have lost faith! I still have my (horrid) stories from twenty years ago. Honestly, I don’t know why I have them but I never could seem to part with them. I’m so glad you kept writing privately, and now are publishing.
It’s always a relief for me, an aspiring author, to hear from multi-published authors that even they have a hard time writing. I think these are great tips. Re-reading can be great if you’re feeling very far removed from your project. When you’re actively working on it, the flaws feel overwhelming, but if it’s been a while, you get that “hey, this is actually good!” feeling that lets you get re-motivated.
Megan–Exactly. I wasn’t rereading to discover something flawless, because I knew the flaws were there, but because I couldn’t remember the *good* stuff. Funny how we always remember the problems.
Ugh, yes. I have one right now that’s in the exact same stage–I’m afraid it’s lousy and full of problems that it will take another draft to fix. Maybe a reread is in order. Meanwhile, I’m halfway through deep rewrites on another novel, and just hit the halfway mark. Today, I’m rewarding myself with a much-anticipated ARC.
Kessie–Hope the reread helps! And good luck with the edits on the other book. A reward is definitely due!
It does seem that writing comes super easy to you. Right now, I am so stuck on my YA that I’m thinking of putting it in the back of a drawer somewhere and forgetting it. It’s around 25000 words and I can’t get past that number. Maybe I am a short story writer with not enough words to tell a big story. (big sigh) Or maybe it’s not a story to tell, I don’t know.
This should have been an insecure Wednesday post. Sorry for the vent. I want to be a writing machine like you and Hart. ;)
Teresa–Short books are in right now! That’s more novella length, but I’ve self-pubbed several 60k books. Readers seem to like shorter books these days. Maybe flesh out some subplots? That’s usually the stuff that gets me the right word count…I tend to be very focused on the main plot to the detriment of the subplots (and to the detriment of my word count!)
This was nice to read because I’m experiencing something similar right now. I’m writing my third book in a series, and I’ve already signed a contract with my publisher for it, and I’m almost finished, but it’s been tough sledding. I got delayed (my son is a toddler, enough said), and I got bored, lost confidence, started wanting to write something completely different. Anyway, I do appreciate the post, and the fact that I can always come back to this blog for something informative and, quite often, uplifting. Thanks.
Max–Oh my gosh…toddlers. Yes, I do remember writing with the Wiggles and Sesame Street going on in the background. Sounds like you’ll be able to resist SNIS (Shiny New Idea Syndrome) since the book is under contract. :) And thanks.
I probably need the opposite lesson: how not to fall in love with every word I write. With songwriting, it’s easier. Slap out a 2:36 pop tune, hate it, move on.
But when a character pops fully formed into my head, I don’t know how not to tell their story. Realistically I know I have bad ideas like everyone else. They just aren’t labeled clearly enough.
Joel–It’s good to be confident! There’s a part of me that’s always confident–when dealing with my agent or editors when they pitch me something to write, my refrain is, “I can do that.” It’s only privately that I wonder what the heck I was thinking… :)
Have you ever lost faith in a story?>/i> Every time I get a manuscript back from one of my critique partners. Usually my faith returns by the next morning. Usually. :)
Chemist Ken–I’m glad you don’t let it get to you (most of the time)! It sounds as if you’ve got a good crit group.
I LOVE this post and it is so reassuring to hear these words from someone with so many books under her belt.
I picked up a novel I had started a while ago and reread it too. I saw the flaws but I saw the bits I loved too. I take courage from your ‘I know they can be fixed’ comment. I don’t actually KNOW that in my case, but I’m assuming they can. It’s not an impossibility.
To regain my confidence I read technique books that keep me focused on the writing (not the lifestyle, not the marketing). Recently I have found Dave Farland’s Million Dollar Outlines, Donald Maass’s The Breakout Novelist and The Snowflake Method by Randy Ingermanson really helpful for getting me back into the manuscript and producing useful words.
Julie–Honestly…I don’t know of *anything* that can’t be fixed. I’ve changed the murderer in a few of my books and it didn’t even take that long. :)
I know Dave F, but haven’t read the book…I own Maass’s book. I’ve dabbled in the Snowflake Method….really helpful. Glad you’re getting back into the story!
I make the character explain to me why his or her story needs to be told, and usually they help me get into a scene I haven’t been able to understand before but that I kept “seeing”, if that makes any sense.
This hits home for me because I recently lost faith in a story. I set it aside for the time being, and I’m editing the next project. I know I’ll come back to it some day, but I needed a vacay from that manuscript!
hi Elizabeth – I admire your organisational skills and thus ability to have a handle on your projects – should teach us all a lesson in being administratively thorough and on top of our projects – cheers Hilary
Hilary–I have a lot of lists! Thanks so much for coming by.