By Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraig
Transition issues are common problems in first drafts (later drafts, too). I’ve been guilty of a couple of different transition fouls in past manuscripts.
Transitions that are too long and boring:
When I was writing my first book, I had a lot of trouble with getting characters where they needed to be. This resulted in a lot of really boring, pointless scenes where the narrative went something like this: Jenny decided to head over to the restaurant to find out more about what Thomas was doing the night of the murder. She found her keys and hurried out to her car. On the trip to the Italian restaurant, she mulled over what she was going to ask Thomas. Upon arrival at the restaurant…blah! Dreck.
I think I believed it would be too choppy to suddenly pick up with the character at the Italian restaurant. Or that it was cheating. I’m not sure what was going through my head, but it took an editor to tell me to get rid of it all.
Transitions that are too choppy: Now I have the ability to go too far in the opposite direction with transitions, causing editors to write “Elizabeth, can we soften this up a bit?” or “Elizabeth, this might seem a little abrupt…” in the margins. I’m sure this is related to the way that I abruptly pick up and put down my manuscript when I have small pockets of time. It’s great to be able to write at short notice, but it can mess with the general continuity.
Just right (?):
So, a couple of different ways to deal with short passages of time (or even longer ones, actually). We can have a scene break or we can have a little transition lead-in.
With my mess of an example above, a better way of handling the car ride over would be something like this:
After hanging up the phone with Bruce, Jenny realized she was going to need to speak with Thomas again. She looked at her watch. If she hurried, she could get to the restaurant before it closed.
Twenty minutes later, Jenny asked the hostess to tell Thomas she was there.
Or something like:
Jenny hung up the phone. Clearly, she would need to speak with Thomas again.
(Scene break)
Unfortunately, Thomas wasn’t speaking. He scowled belligerently at Jenny from across the booth at his Italian restaurant.
So either way, there’s a sort of natural segue. It’s a bit of a fine-tuning thing. We definitely want to make sure that the reader is able to follow along when we jump to the next scene. They’ll want to know where the characters are and have a hint as to how much time has passed.
How do you handle transitions and time passages in your books? Are you more apt to err on the side of too-long transitions, or choppy ones?
Image: MorgueFile: priyanphoenix
Since I write things out of order, I don’t have the problem with writing through unnecessary transition just because I have to get from here to there. Often I already wrote “There” before I get to “here.”
However, I still do too much with them sometimes. Sometimes they are like a kind of exploratory writing. I’ll start with a transition while I find my way to the scene I want to write, for instance.
Other times I’ll have the transition in the outline as if it were a scene — I usually call it a segue, even though that’s usually a term meant to mean having no transition at all. It’s supposed to refer to a smooth movement straight from one song or scene to another. However, I first heard it used in sketch comedy scripts as a short segment that covers the transition from one sketch to another, so that’s how I think of it.
My segues tend to be important bits in and of themselves — maybe because I learned them from comedy, so I feel as though they have to be a high point in and of themselves.
Great tips! I’ve learned this by reading novels by authors who do this well. Jody Hedlund comes to mind. She does a great job of writing in scenes. Thanks, Elizabeth!
Julie–It’s amazing how much we can pick up from reading, isn’t it? And you’re right about Jody–I remember she is a scene-writer, too.
I think you are best to err on the side of being ‘choppy’ – for the sake of pace, mainly. You might go straight to the restaurant scene and say something like:
Jenny pretended to study her menu. In fact she was assessing how angry Thomas really was. It had been an anxious drive from her home; the memory of his reaction to what Victor had said remained vivid.
‘I hear they do a great lasagne,’ she ventured.
Ian–Perfect! Love your take on it…nicely done. And your point regarding pace is very true…in my genre, books aren’t especially long and every word counts.
Elizabeth – Transitions really are tricky at times, aren’t they? More than a few sentences and people lose interest. And let’s face it: a scene like driving to a restaurant doesn’t add to a story in an of itself. You’re right that a brief sentence is probably enough.
I sometimes use transitions to add a little character depth. For instance, in my current WIP, I have a character going to a memorial service. She finds it difficult to go and I use the drive over to show that. But otherwise, I try not to spend too much time on transitions.
Margot–Sounds like a great scene! And you’re right…the perfect opportunity to show conflicting emotions.
Mine were too long in the beginning. Sometimes I’d just make it a natural break with a space. Breaks are one of those thing we just learn by trial and error.
Diane–I’m *very* fond of scene breaks.
I think you found great balance. I tend to HAVE TO write it the long way the first time, then pare it down in revision. If I don’t, I muddle timelines or lose evidence…
Hart–Makes sense to me! Timelines are a bear with mysteries.
Since I am working on my first novel, this issue is key for me. Thanks everyone for all the helpful hints.
Karen–So excited for the progress you’ve made and are making on your first novel!
Aaaaaaaaaaaand you’re still growing me up in the ways of a writer. Thanks for the transition talk. I needed it. :)
T
Teresa–Thanks so much for coming by!
Ironically I’m fighting those transitions in my current manuscript. It wasn’t a big problem with my other books. Maybe I’m thinking too hard.
Alex–Yeah, might be over-thinking it. It can all be fixed during the second draft, you know? No worries on the first pass.
Great post! This is one that drives me nuts even with big time authors (especially Dan Brown).
I write them the long way but put ZXZX markers at the beginning and end. This way I get the ‘logistics’ out of my system so I know what happened and how long it took.
On my first round of editing, I decide what part of the long-scene is required. If Jenny needs to think things through to remind the reader of certain clues/herrings, then it stays. If it’s unnecessary, I chop it down to, “Jenny grabbed her keys and flew across town”. If it’s a long trip, section divider “Jenny bought her ticket and settled in for the transatlantic flight. ~~~ Thomas was packed to flee Naples when she arrived at his restaurant.”
Having written it out in the first version makes me feel confident about the authenticity of the journey.
Peace, Seeley
Seeley–I do *** to indicate an area I think I might want to fix later…same sort of thing.
For me, if I do a long transition, it’s almost like the conversational tic “umm.” I’m trying to figure out what to say next and biding my time. It definitely needs to be edited out when I do it.
I’ve gotten so that Jenny just needs to talk to her sidekick for the mulling things over stuff. Dialogue is so much easier to write (and it’s sort of cheating, because it gobbles up more word count, if you’re on deadline).
Thomas in Naples sounds like a good plan. :)
Better to quick than to long (when it comes to transitions). There’s no need to keep the timeline continuous >:)
CA–I think so, too. And at least it’s not boring.
I also consider dropping more plot during a transition. I just finished a scene where one of my characters just flew from Chicago to Toronto. I decided to include a conversation with her partner, and a phone call to a character she was meeting. Both dropped a couple key points – either foreshadowing, building suspense, or leading to upcoming scenes.
I’ve read that everything written should serve two purposes. If it can be rewritten to move the plot forward, foreshadow, lead the reader in a different direction, etc., it probably should be. (Talking fiction here)
Silas
Hi Elizabeth
This is a great post, thanks. I still struggle with this. Not so much the showing time, but in wanting to describe what happens and in using it to get the characters thinking. It leads to far too much internal dialogue and lots of boring description. I’m getting better at spotting it in the edit, but my eyes tend to fly over it, probably because it’s so innocuous and drab!
I liked the examples, I’ll be examining my current edit for those moments.
cheers
Mike
Thanks, Mike! Yes, my earlier books would have been rife with it if it hadn’t been edited out. It’s almost, for me now, like a conversational tic (“um”) as I’m figuring out what I’m going to say next. So it still shows up in my drafts now.
Thanks for the examples!! I sometimes have trouble with transitions.